Another delve into the archives, this time from issue 62. Commiserating about the departure of Brian Hamilton to Hearts.

SALE OF THE CENTURY

THE LIFE OF BRIAN

THE PENlCUIK HIBBY has kindly, on our behalf, carried out an in-depth study on the effectiveness or ineffectiveness Brian Hamilton had on the team, based on "Pink News" (Brian's favourite colour is pink incidentally) match reports.

ALTHOUGH the reports are not a true reflection of a game, Brian barely gets a mention.

BETWEEN August 13 and September 17, although Hamilton is in the team, he does nothing of note as he does not rate a mention.

OBVIOUSLY a bit peeved about not being able to read about himself he tries to get more involved in
the games...

On 24/9/94 v Celtic he passes a long ball to Harper!
1/10/94 Craig Nelson saves from Hamilton when left in clear.
8/10/94 v Rangers Shot flies high over.
15/10/94 v Falkirk Crosses to Evans.
22/10/94 v 'Dundee Utd Couldn't get his shot on target.
29/10/94 v Scum Volleys high over bar.
5/11/94 v Killie A pass left Weir flat-footed.
19/11/94 v 'Well Gets booked.
26/11/94 No game.
3/12/94 v Partick reserve.
10/12/94 v Falkirk reserve.
17/12/94 No game.
24/12/94 No game.
26/12/94 No report.
31/12/94 v Dundee Utd Through ball to Wright for the first goal... Jackson in space receives a brilliant pass from Hamilton.

SO THERE you have it - one brilliant pass in half a season, which just happened to be on last ever game for the club! Although match reports do not always highlight players' good games, they very rarely highlight their bad games either.

MY conclusions based on the match reports and my attendance at every home game and four away games has to be that he was not an influential team member this season, or any other season for that matter.

EARLY indications are that he is proving to be an equally ineffectual player with the Scum - maybe this will ensure that WE can go five years undefeated in derbies?

Hammy and Hearts, a match made in Hibee heaven - and we're gonna get how much? Stop it - my sides hurt.. ... No more nephew, bye bye now, hasta la vista, adios, bienvenue, goodnight, close the door on your way out. See ya!!!!

by Josy

There was a man called Hammy
Who caused a bit of a rammy
He forgot who was best
As he went to the west
And now he's known as plain bammy

QUOTE FROM THE SEATED TERRACING:

After a Billy Findlay pass goes astray: "If you don't get your finger out Findlay, we'll sell you to Hearts as well!"

So Hammy's away
He's had his day
Some would say
Hib Hib hooray
Crossed the city
Tae the sh*** o' the toon
Every season they're in danger
O' going doon

He knocked at Lexo's door one day
Trying to get a rise in his pay
Then held a gun at the boss's head
Just look at you now Hammy
You'd be better off dead

It's a step down the ladder
We all know that
Oh why oh why Hammy
Have you been such a prat
No more medals for you my boy
While all the Hibbies
Will be jumping for joy (again!)

Well bye bye Hammy
It's been nice knowing you son
But now you have chosen
To play for the Scum
I'd like to wish you
The best of luck
But you're playing for them now So you can get tae f***

NOT THE PINK NEWS HEADLlNES
HAMILTON SAVES HIBEES
HAMILTON WINS 50/50 BALL
HAMILTON SHINES IN MIDFIELD HIBS HERO HAMILTON!
HARD-MAN HAMILTON
HAMILTON DROPPED
HAMILTON SCORES