Wednesday – 22nd September

Gibby Gladstone fi Tranent gets in on the act in the Hotline today, this man is one of our regular Hibs punters that gets quoted in the rag, he seems tae have been around forever an was obviously still joyous over Sundays draw. That’s if he really exists as it could be one of the random red herrings the weegies have been using over the years to give an illusion that other than the gruesome twosome fans can be ersed ringing up furra whinge. But fair play to the boy fi the YL, I actually thought it was funny gag about the scumbos playing at Swinecastle for 3 seasons, spring, autumn & winter (tttrrrrup ping – or similar sound of a drumstick on a cymbal)

Normality resumes when it comes to the hacks copy on the game against Albion Rovers, i.e. the majority of the ⅛ page article is an ex-Hibbie who now plays/manages/coaches/sells pies at the club wur playing against, talking about how is side will fair against the mighty Hibernians. Top man Crunchie though as he can at least get a platform to talk about "…the best young players coming through in the country", bang on ma man, bang on. Mogga talks some shop sense at the end of it about how it’s a different game to the Sellick one an recognising that the players are actually human beings, obviously no big fan of the Jim Mc Lean school of management

Being stuck ‘doon sooth’ its only the west coast edition of Sportsweek I can access, which is shite for Cabbage related goodies but at least the pictures of manto every week on the Fanzine page kinda makes up for ma Hibs loss. After seeing this weeks babe I now understand how & why Carol Smillie got a career on the goggle box, an it wasn’t for her slickness in continuity announcements I’ll bet. But lo an behold a Hi-bee has breached the west coast firewall an made it as Fanoftheweek! The bizarre sound of me cheering in a south London shitehole at this made the guy next to me jump, but as Michael Caine perfectly quotes in the 80’s Brit flick ‘Mona Lisa’ "It’s the little things that make the difference". As it goes it was a sensible & sober response to the questions set an also the obligatory Sauzee picture, this time it’s the one he’s wearing the fishermans roll neck jumper as he bites on his bottom lip probably thinking "what did that twat just ask me". Well I couldn’t resist imagining if it was me who had dug his way into the river city recorder an what ma answers would be….

Happy days - name your favourite match

Feck that too many sweet results over the years to pin down to one but the league semi-final win over the Hun in September 1991 certainly licks me. They kents were still riding high an we had been through one of the most threatening periods of our existence. It was the usual congenial reception from the Strathclyde law enforcement community an the citizens of weegieville as well but we pulled through aw that with the Hibs attitude that makes us who we are an we come out on top, magic. I’ve still got that game an the semi on a dodgy Sky recorded video, I never watch the final really but during suitably refreshed moments I’ll bung on the semi (easy tiger) an watch the goal over an over again. Though a certain end of league decider in May 1986 played in the Jute city wisnae bad either

Idol – who is your favourite Hi-bee

Aaaaarrggh dontcha hate these questions, I feckin love yous aw man!! But putting aside Yankee sentiment fur now an if I transport masel back to when idols on the pitch really meant something, you know around the time you collect an swap fitba stickers, you still think you can play fitba an you listen religiously to see who’s in the Top 40 then it would have to be Arthur Duncan. Faster than a greyhound (well the ones ma auld boy backed) I would gape in awe at the quickness an agility of the man wi an original porno moustache. "He’s like thunder & lightning/Arthur Duncan is frightening" (to the tune of ‘Knock on Wood’) would be slurred & coughed from the adoring east terracing. I still don’t blame him for the own goal in the cup final replay replay though.

Banter – what piece of crowd patter had you splitting your sides

Ha ha where could you start on this, one springs to mind of chants in the early 80’s to Hamish Mac Alpine the DUFC keeper around his public marital problems "Hamish Hamish wheres yer wife" that were shouted with delight for the rest of that season fairly consistently. Gie the man his due but he never took the bait once that I noticed. Even greater laugh was when years later auld Hamish was playing against us an the familiar chant of above was resurrected. After it became clear what was getting sung from the Hibs section Hamish actually turned an realised that it was that feckin chant again an he kinda shook his head gutted almost intimating his thoughts "they b'stards never gie me peace, ahl never forgive that cow"

Euro nights – remember them

As rare as a sensible Dougie Vipond report for us, I missed the AK Athens ER game due to unavoidable work commitments, so if anybody can sell me a copy of the now deleted video then I’ll pay the necessary hiries. So it leaves me with the away leg game against F.C. Leige in 1989, the whole trip fi start to finish was quality as it was a new feeling for a lot of Hibbies to be wandering around a foreign land on the Cabbage pilgrimage. It was the usual shenanigans, too lengthy to go onto details, but I’d sum it up as "what a fuckin beltin shot, shit wur oot!" an I didnae fancy their kebab shops either by the way.

Room at the top – how will you finish in the league this year

Our league will finish around about February/March as we are dumped out both cups an we limp in at number 10 by May if past experience is anything to go by. The 3rd force in Scottish fitba slot, as opposed to this title that is bestowed on the scumbos, seems to be up for grabs between 2 or 3 teams at the moment so in a moment of uncontrollable lunacy you’d like to think we’ll be the 4th one giving it a go.

New boss – do you rate Tony Mowbray

I’d take Tony Hart if it meant we could have decent team an more fans turning up but the Mogga fellay seems tae be finding his way. Sadly though I tend to agree wi one of ma bredren, it’s the guys first managerial job so if he is any good he’ll probably get attracted elsewhere as he takes the core of the team with him. If he is shi'ite we could go through another Alex ‘Mr Motivation’ Miller decade Cynicism an supporting Hibs are unfortunately all too comfortable bed fellows

In the capital – what is it like after a derby game

If we win then it’s a celebration that even Caligula would have said "nah man ahm fecked, ahm gaun hame" as the various alcoholic & chemical elements that have delighted humans for centuries are imbibed. There is even an amorous scent in the air as the victors seek out as many spoils to share as poss whilst the city seems to open its gates wherever you go. However if we get beat I usually end up doon Leith in a boozer some where getting tanked up with the rest of ma downhearted compatriots plotting some kinda invasion "up the toon"

Agony – what match was your worst

Any that were managed by Alex Miller or Jim Duffy when ye think "what the feck are we daein wi this radge in charge".

Neighbours – how do you feel about Hearts at Murrayfield

I kinda feel aw Kevin Keegan about this sometimes ("I’d really love it if they do") as historically they b*st*rds have been nowt but a pain in the jeer, particularly when Wallet Mercenary tried to wipe us out of existence for feck knows how many times now. The schadenfraude moment now would seem fantastic in that respect an also as all their fans decide once an for all tae go the whole hog an support the Huns, Linfield or Livingston full time. But of course who fills that love to hate void that would exist, I could always get married again I s’pose

Time for tubby bye-byes

Be seeing you

Jockney Green